Is repetition justified in the following piece?
Eri kissed her dad on the cheek, and waved goodbye to him. He entered back into the car, and then drove off, disappearing gradually at the far end of the street. Once he was gone, Eri glanced around. For the first time today, she became aware of the familiar sights; the zelkova trees behind the houses, the food stands in the sidewalks, the farmer markets. The streetlights casting golden ripples across the Akigawa river. The rice plantations spreading all over the hills, and the green mountains visible on the horizon.
Dad is right, Eri though, with a serene look on her face. No matter what, I'll always have a place to come back. My home.
As you can see, I repeated the many times in the last part of the first paragraph. Because, they are the things that are familiar to Eri (OK, maybe that doesn't make sense. But I feel it sounds better with the "thes"). Also, I cut the list in the middle to avoid making it too long. Not sure how that worked.
Is repetition justified in this case? If not, how would the piece sound better?
(I feel there's something wrong, though I can't tell exactly what it is).
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/8894. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
Nope, it's fine. The repetition and sentence structure give it a dreamy feel, which I think is exactly what you want for that moment. "The" is fairly invisible here.
(P.S. You had "Eri kissed his dad," and I think it's one of your other characters who is transgender, not this one.)
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