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Q&A How would I improve the language and structure of this farewell email? [closed]

I will shortly be moving to another a role within the same organisation and was wondering if you could advise on how I could improve the language and structure of this farewell email. It seems a bi...

0 answers  ·  posted 10y ago by methuselah‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

Question career email letter
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T03:19:22Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/10054
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar methuselah‭ · 2019-12-08T03:19:22Z (over 4 years ago)
I will shortly be moving to another a role within the same organisation and was wondering if you could advise on how I could improve the language and structure of this farewell email. It seems a bit drawn out at the moment and I'd like it to retain the sincerity yet exude a sharpness that will create future opportunities by extending bridges.

> Dear all,
> 
> As many of you know, today is my last day with compliance. Through this farewell email, I wanted to thank you for your continued support and guidance. During the last six months, I have had the privilege to work with genuinely talented people like yourself, who have helped me grow both personally and professionally.
> 
> With my first rotation drawing to a close, I look back with pleasure on everything that we have accomplished together. I only hope that I find in my new role a fraction of the encouragement, gratitude and opportunities that I have found here.
> 
> I have really enjoyed my time and will miss working with you all. I owe you an enormous debt of gratitude and I wish each one of you, the very best in all your future endeavours, both professional and personal. Thanks again for everything.
> 
> Regards

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2014-01-16T23:45:56Z (over 10 years ago)
Original score: 0