Does the following opening grip you?
Of all the people who wanted to join the trip, Paola was the the last I expected would come. It surprised me. We barely knew each other at school, and I was pretty sure she wasn't interested in me. I didn't pride myself on being a ladies' man. But if all my rejections had taught me anything, it was this: if a girl never looks at you, it probably means "not a chance."
I turned to check on her. She was ambling among the rocks, her back to me, almost a dot in the distance. Despite that, I could still make out her figure: her sharp shoulder blades, her bony arms, her childlike yet feminine hips. Frail but charming features. What I liked the most, though, was her long blonde hair. It contrasted beautifully with her bronze skin. Like Spring and Fall, fire and wood. Light and darkness.
With a sigh, I resumed my way down the beach...
Another concern I have is that it takes a while after the setting is explicitly stated (the beach). Maybe trip and rocks are enough for the meanwhile?
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The first few sentences left me puzzled:
Of all the people who wanted to join the trip, Paola was the the last I expected would come. It surprised me. We barely knew each other at school, and I was pretty sure she wasn't interested in me.
So the only reason why someone would join a trip with several people joining is that the person in question was interested in the narrator? While that certainly is a valid reason to go to a trip with him, it certainly is not the first reason which would come to my mind, especially if it is a trip with several people joining.
So is there a specific reason (told later in the story) that the narrator would make that assumption? If not, at least to me as a reader it would be unsatisfying.
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