How do you write boy & girl protagonists without turning them into a love story?

You have two options to deal with the situation, which will be on the mind of readers.

One is to blatantly ignore it. This is the post-feministic way: Treat the boy and the girl as human beings, romance between them simply never happens, describe their friendship and - through the telling of the story - create the frame that non-sexual friendship between girls and boys is completely normal. By not talking about it at all, you make it something that doesn't need to be especially addressed.

The other is to explicitly resolve it. Make the protagonists struggle with romantic feelings towards each other, then resolve them into friendship. Or make it explicitly clear that they are not romantically or sexually attracted to each other. Or, if your audience is adults, let them have a romantic or sexual encounter that doesn't work out, but they stay friends. This is, in my experience, one of the most common cases of real friendship between men and women where none of them has any hidden feelings - when the "let's fuck" part is out of the way, both decided it was pleasurable but beyond the initial desire, nothing, let's stay friends.

What I think will not work is something halfway. You need to blend the topic out completely, or confront it. If you try to mention it in passing, you enter this "Bob and Alice are friends, though Bob is still hoping for his opportunity" vibe.

posted over 7 years ago

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Tom‭

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I always knew I was ... unattractive. Say the word, my girl, say the word. Ugly. I thought I'd accepted it, almost relished it. It protected me from so much folly; allowed me to have so many friendships that I wouldn't otherwise have had. I didn't anticipate the burst of utter fury that ran through me when he let slip that remark. Poor sod, always in trouble for blurting out whatever came into his head. Maybe that's one reason I liked him. I didn't take him seriously. Sweetie, cutie, but, oh dear me, not sexy. I was allowed not to want him but he wasn't allowed not to want me, is that it, if I'm honest? Where now? Can't we just be friends? Can we just be friends?

This sketch of one way of tackling B.M. Corwen's scenario of a friendship that isn't a love story was inspired by a possibility raised in Jay's answer above, one that several readers seem to have found offensive but I found poignant and believable.

Here's an example of this subject treated well in fiction (drama in this case), as requested by the OP, with the genders reversed. When I was a kid in the 70's there was an American comedy show called Rhoda. I remember almost nothing about it except one scene. A man and a woman are having dinner. The man has obviously been courting the woman for a while and is building up to asking the big question. He asks it. And, cringing with embarrassment, she says no, and stammers out an explanation. He's kind. He's intelligent. He's witty. But she just - doesn't - fancy - him. And looking at him you can see why.

That everyday tragedy of the friendship that never became a love story because of the brute fact of involuntary sexual rejection is one, sadly realistic, way of explaining the absence of a romance. An exploration of how their friendship fares after that moment could be very moving.

posted about 9 years ago

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Lostinfrance‭

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As yet another male with a female best friend, this happens frequently (I think I'm more often than not better friends with women than with men.). And I can say that there are some people who will see romantic love no matter how much you stress there is none. And they aren't wholly wrong. Love manifests in many forms, and not all of them are romantic or sexual love. Mutually... there can be times in these relationships where one does want to have a relationship, but the other does not. This will breed readers who think they should get together. It's not something that should be dwelt on long... most of the time the will they or won't they elements of this play so that one has feelings while the other is unavailable and then through the story the positions flip.

There are quite a few ways this could happen... maybe the book starts with one of them in a romantic situation with a third character and the other is not bothered by this... or maybe there's jealousy that the first falsely attributes to romantic desires for the other one, but comes to realize that he's not jealous of her boyfriend for being the boyfriend, but jealous of his best friend for finding a perfect romantic partner while he cannot manage to find one for himself.

Conversely, they could acknowledge early on that there is no way in hell they are compatible partners. She's looking to start a family and he's looking to have some sex (reverse the roles to be different... this gets used a lot but the reverse occurs too... in my experience often...). Basically, they both are looking for a romantic relationship, but their selection process excludes each other... there could be a cause that sex obssessive does make jokes (or serious but masking as joke) statements to the effect of they would want to sleep with the bestie once, just to say he did, but he respects her too much to actually go through with it... or that he knows most women have a low opinion of him, but she's the only person of the other sex who sees good things in him beyond his womanizing, and that's more important than one time to say he did it.

Conversely, they could be rather demeaning towards each other, but this is because they know each other so well, they know they can get away with it. This could ellicit responses from outsiders that they fight like an old married couple, but they are most offended by the idea of marriage to each other that they both rise to defend their offended friend, resulting in a strange defense where they are outraged that is equal parts insulting to their bestie and themselves. Rest assured, they are the only people that are permitted to say horrible things about each other, and they will turn on any one who presumes they have this ability. They're language is insulting but that's only from the connotations of the words... they are true recognition of personality strengths that are phrased in a way that is seen as disapproval by the outsiders, but are understood by the pair for what they are.

As a final note, there is nothing that says that romantic feelings for the best friend cannot occur, but they must be thought out, shown to be unrealistic, and show that it takes a friendship that does work and turns it into something that doesn't work... if you allow a date between the two... make sure it does not end happy and that they need to work through the break down to get back to status quo... they are not effective without each other, but they were wrong to try and be lovers... but they were perfect as besties... have them acknowledge why the change was a mistake... Avoid the story lines where they have to pretend to be a lovers or something... but it's okay that both are compassionate enough to each other that the she can recognize that he's been hurt by his prom date and will ask him to dance for one slow song... because no hopeless romantic idiot should feel unwanted during [insert overplayed song that the kids are slow dancing to these days].

By and large, beyond small gestures of acknowledgement that they do love each other in some way, if for a vast majority of the interactions you could sub the member of the duo with the opposite gender and the conversation is still appropriate for two heterosexual friends on almost all occurrences (even joking about romantic feelings between hetero best buds does happen.) then you're probably writing a good friendship.

posted about 6 years ago

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hszmv‭

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Depends on the story and setting. Have them advise each other on romantic problems. Make her older or more mature than he is, which creates a gap that can close during the series. (You could try it the other way around, but sweet young thing and worldy wise older guy is still a trope, albeit an out of date one).

posted about 9 years ago

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M Harold Page‭

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Many same-sex friendships are two of a similar "type" who are also competitors. When gendered male, the rivalry might be athletic or conspicuous displays of wealth. Gendered female the competition might be social or personal accomplishments (out-doing the other, as opposed to defeating the other). Rivalry among career peers is almost expected because there's a one-to-one comparison. There is sometimes a blurring of boundaries where the rivalry is also self-identity. They recognize aspects of themselves in the other. Consider these dynamics and ramp them up.

If the rivals have a similar skill level, they may get a charge out of being around someone who can keep them on their toes, and also someone with whom they can measure their own gains. It doesn't matter what they are competing about since no one really "wins", it's more about having someone worthy to compete with.

Exaggerate their rivalry, and maybe their egos too. Drill home why they are friends but also why they could never get together, because they are both so much alike that neither can allow the other to be good at something without proving they are just as good, whether it's cooking or fencing.

It can be established early on that retreating to a gender-specific role will not end the competition. When young they might decide that helping the other finish chores is the fastest way to get back to competing, but if your society has firmly separated gender roles, they might debate how to be better at them, again just to prove themselves more knowledgable. As a result they might be better at juggling admirers, having coached each other.

If they helped shape the other's romantic image, they may be immune to it themselves. Instead they may see an enterprise which they had a hand in creating. Also this is the one area where they don't directly compete. Les Liaisons dangereuses features 2 villains who share advice and gloat over the details of their sexual conquests. Your protagonists don't need to be predators to consider the other's social success as a reflection of their own skills. I add this possibility since other answers suggest to "friendzone" their relationship by making them unattractive or desexualizing. This allows them to be ridiculously attractive and sexually (over)confident for their age.

As friendly rivals, they know when to give encouragement and when to taunt, and they know each other's limits (similarly, they know when the other is in trouble). They lost their personal boundaries long ago which makes them unusually close, but there is no mystery between them. In fact they are too much alike.

posted about 6 years ago

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wetcircuit‭

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The bast way to deal with this issue is to explicitly acknowledge it, show that it isn't an issue, and move on.

A superb example of this is found in the Dr. Who story, Partners in Crime. The Doctor has just asked Donna if she will accompany him on a journey in his time machine, the Tardis:

Donna: I don't need injections, do I? You know, like when you go to Cambodia. Is there any of that? Because my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and she- [cuts off, noticing the Doctor is silent] You're not saying much.

The Doctor: No, it's just. It's a funny old life, in the Tardis.

Donna: You don't want me.

The Doctor: I'm not saying that.

Donna: But you asked me. Would you rather be on your own?

The Doctor: No. Actually, no. But the last time...With Martha, like I said, it got... complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.

Donna: [alarmed] You just want to mate?!

The Doctor: I just want a mate!

Donna: You're not mating with me, sunshine!

The Doctor: A mate! I want a mate!

Donna: Well, just as well, cos I'm not having any of that nonsense! You're just a long streak of nothing! You know... Alien nothing!

The Doctor: There we are, then. Okay.

Donna: I can come?

The Doctor: Yeah. Course you can, yeah. I'd love it.

posted over 7 years ago

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Kramii Reinstate Monica‭

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Off the top of my head, CJ Cherryh's Morgaine saga (female mage, male assistant), three or four books, no romance. (removing this per @what's comment below)

ETA so wow, it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it was to find examples. Almost every story I can think of at the moment has either two people of the same gender, one gay protagonist, or two straights who eventually end up together.

In the Harry Potter series, Harry is the main protagonist of the Big Three, and while Ron and Hermione end up together, and Harry ends up with Ginny, Harry and Hermione remain just friends throughout.

In Mercedes Lackey's The Silver Gryphon, the third in the Mage Wars trilogy, the two working partners are Tad (a male gryphon) and Blade (a female human); they are friends but there's no romance.

posted about 9 years ago

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Lauren Ipsum‭

2098 reputation 13 1143 397 1

Several comments have made reference to the squick factor associated with sibling incest. Certainly that would be an accepted reason why your two main characters would not have any interest in one another. But since you want to potentially explore that relationship downstream...

If your two characters have known each other since childhood, there will be reverse sexual imprinting due to the Westermarck Effect. It appears to be sufficient for them to have grown up together in the same house -- perhaps one is an orphan? This allows you to build -- at least initially -- a Kim Possible/Ron Stoppable friendship.

Over time, however, your readers will probably ship your main characters if they like them enough. This is good, because it gives you opportunity to build conflict. Specifically, you can leverage the Childhood Friend Romance trope to set expectations.

Consider, for example, if Ron grows up and gets married to an amazing woman. Suddenly, Ron becomes desirable, and Kim realizes what she lost. But she's ethical, and Mrs. Stoppable is also her friend. This is a powerful internal conflict. And if you ever decide to kill off Ron's wife, and Kim decides to pursue that long-deferred relationship, suddenly she can realize that it never would have worked after all.

Keep in mind, this is a long-cycle character arc. In book 1, they are friends, and Ron is a dork. In book 2, he's still a dork, and Kim is happy he met Anne. In book 3, Ron gets married to Anne, and the friendship continues. It's not until book 4 that she regrets losing out on Ron -- this is where you kill Anne, and her guilty feelings drive the plot. And in book 5 Ron has sufficiently recovered from his grief to consider Kim as an option.

posted over 7 years ago

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papidave‭

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Usually you'll be in your characters heads, telling the reader what they are thinking and feeling about someone as relationships grow, so the easiest thing to do if you want to ignore any romantic possibility between them, is just to never have either of them even consider it in their thoughts, or maybe just briefly and then dismiss it for whatever reason. That way there is no romantic undercurrent to any of the interactions between them.

posted about 9 years ago

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CMR‭

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A good example is the current TV Series "Elementary", in which Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Joan Watson are partners, cohabit, and although fond of each other have avoided all romantic involvement.

Both have their own love lives; Joan has had at least two lovers in the course of the series thus far, and been out on dates. Sherlock has had several lovers as well, including a fairly serious relationship with an autistic woman, and he engages prostitutes on occasion.

Their relationship seems natural, and their talents complement each other, this is part of the reason they are together, they are better together than apart, both at the detective work, and to a large extent socially.

I would suggest, for your boy and girl: Starting at 12, they are in sixth grade and barely sexually cognizant (in fifth grade is where teachers start to see boys "showing off" and girls starting to gather into whisper groups). There is certainly no reason for them to date or even hold hands.

So (presuming a modern timeline) I would suggest a "throwaway" relationship starter; put them in band together; at 12 she thinks she can be a singer (and she is good enough that so does he) and he's a guitar player, so they have aspirations of making a hit youtube video. A million hits! That doesn't work out, but they had fun; and they think differently from each other. She's a good writer, he doesn't have any stage fright, he's a good salesman. She gets him involved in a charity project with her. Find reasons for them to work together. But by starting early enough, before they recognize any feelings of sexuality, they will feel like siblings, not romantic interests. If necessary and you write yourself into a corner where one hints at a love interest in the other, have the other be smart enough to shut it down. "You're like my brother, if I had a brother, and besides, I have a crush on Charlie. You should like Crystal, she thinks you are very funny."

Give them different things they are good at, so they both benefit equally from the friendship, but are both attracted to other people, and are open and honest about it. Because they are friends.

posted about 6 years ago

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Amadeus‭

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