Ways to replace "Then, ..."
I find myself writing "Then, ..." a lot. Example:
As soon as she found my letter---or rather, Kiyoshi's---she widened her slitted eyes and pressed the letter against her chest. Then, as though she were handling a delicate glass sculpture, she opened the envelope.
Mr. HSC squinted his slanted eyes at me. Then, setting down his chef hat on the counter, he said, “Look my shift’s over. How ‘bout we go to the izakaya around the corner?
I answered her smile with my own. Then, receiving her apple, I asked her, "So > what now?"
How can I replace those thens? (For some reason, I feel that the sentences sound weird without them. Maybe I'm wrong?)
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/28742. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
2 answers
"Then" is not really required in the examples you show. "Then" is only really required when the previous sentence or clause indicates further actions or items.
"First, the Earth cooled, then the dinosaurs came."
I also suspect you are looking at sentences to tell your story rather than complete paragraphs. Your examples can easily be re-written to avoid "then".
"After setting down his chef hat on the counter Mr. HSC squinted his slanted eyes at me. “Look my shift’s over, he said. "How ‘bout we go to the izakaya around the corner?""
"As soon as she found my letter---or rather, Kiyoshi's---she widened her slitted eyes and pressed the letter against her chest. She opened the envelope as though handling a delicate glass sculpture."
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/28746. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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As the other answers have noted, you can rewrite the sentences to remove the need for "then" (or possibly just omit it without any rewriting at all). However, there are also a few synonyms you can use, allowing you to keep the sense of narrative flow you're after without the frequent repetition of "then".
As soon as she found my letter---or rather, Kiyoshi's---she widened her slitted eyes and pressed the letter against her chest. A moment later, as though she were handling a delicate glass sculpture, she opened the envelope.
Mr. HSC squinted his slanted eyes at me before setting down his chef hat on the counter. “Look, my shift’s over," he said. "How ‘bout we go to the izakaya around the corner?
I answered her smile with my own. As I received her apple, I asked her, "So, what now?"
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