Where to put character responses in dialog?
I am not certain of convention. Is one of the two of these correct? Or are they equivalent?
Jane said, "Let's chase the ball."
Jack looked at her in disbelief. "We always chase the ball, Jane. We've been chasing the ball for fifty years. Let's deflate it instead."
Or,
Jane said, "Let's chase the ball." Jack looked at her in disbelief.
"We always chase the ball, Jane. We've been chasing the ball for fifty years. Let's deflate it instead."
Edit: Another iteration of this. What if Jack has a mental response, but doesn't speak it aloud?
Jane said, "Let's chase the ball." Jack looked at her in disbelief, thinking, Another day chasing the ball? Jane suggested, "Or, we can deflate it instead?"
Are Jack's thoughts worthy of their own paragraph?
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1 answer
The convention is to always start a new paragraph when you change the speaker, change the place, or change the time. In this case, you're changing the speaker, so your first example is correct. In the second example it's unclear who's saying the second line - it could be Jack, or it could be Jill or Julia.
EDIT: To clarify, if Jack's response is only physical, and he doesn't say anything, you don't need to change paragraphs at all:
Jane said, "Let's chase the ball." Jack looked at her in disbelief, and she quickly added, "Or we could deflate it."
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