Dialogue in First Person Fiction (Detective Mystery) [closed]
Closed by System on Jul 23, 2018 at 13:23
This question was closed; new answers can no longer be added. Users with the reopen privilege may vote to reopen this question if it has been improved or closed incorrectly.
Karl is my detective protagonist. His girlfriend, Jenna, is with him. He is hospitalized, and his boss, Rob Tucker, shows up for a visit. Which example of dialogue is correct? In true first person, can Rob and Jenna actually speak, or do I need to just say through Karl's eyes what they said?
Version 1:
“Hey, buddy! Hi, Jenna. How’s our guy holding up?” It was my boss, Rob Tucker. Jenna started to explain, “He’s doing pretty well, considering what --"
“Rob!” I interjected, suddenly trembling with emotion, “There you are! What the hell happened partner? How did we --”
“Rob was hit, too, Karl,” Jenna said, and, as Tucker came fully into view, I could see that his left arm was in a sling.
'Goddamn!' I thought. 'They got him, too!'
“It’s nothing,” replied Rob, sounding a little surly. “It’s just a scrape. It only took them a few minutes to fix me up. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”
Version 2:
As I lay there in bed - and in pain - my boss, Rob Tucker showed up in the doorway and asked how I was doing.
Jenna started to explain, but I interrupted.
"Rob! It's you! What the hell happened, partner? How did we screw --"
Jenna then interrupted me to explain that Tucker had been hit, too.
Then I noticed that his left arm was in a sling. "God damn!" I blurted.
But Tucker brushed it off, saying it was nothing, and that he would be fine in a couple of days.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/37787. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
You're asking whether in a story narrated in first person, you can have dialogue? Of course you can. Your MC is telling the story. Why shouldn't he tell the dialogue as is - the others' words as well as his own?
Here's an example for you, From the first chapter of Jim Butcher's Storm Front (the first book of the Dresden Files series).
The new mailman, who looked like a basketball with arms and legs and a sunburned, balding head, was chuckling at the sign on the door glass. He glanced at me and hooked a thumb toward the sign. "You're kidding, right?"
I read the sign (people change it occasionally), and shook my head. "No, I'm serious. Can I have my mail, please."
"So, uh. Like parties, shows, stuff like that?" He looked past me, as though he expected to see a white tiger, or possibly some skimpily clad assistants prancing around my one-room office.
I sighed, not in the mood to get mocked again, and reached for the mail he held in his hand. "No, not like that. I don't do parties."
He held on to it, his head tilted curiously. "So what? Some kinda fortune-teller? Cards and crystal balls and things?"
"No," I told him. "I'm not a psychic." I tugged at the mail.
He held on to it. "What are you, then?"
"What's the sign on the door say?"
"It says 'Harry Dresden. Wizard.' "
"That's me," I confirmed.
"An actual wizard?" he asked, grinning, as though I should let him in on the joke. "Spells and potions? Demons and incantations? Subtle and quick to anger?"
"Not so subtle." I jerked the mail out of his hand and looked pointedly at his clipboard. "Can I sign for my mail please."
What you don't do in first person is tell what other characters are thinking (you can tell what your MC thinks they're thinking, but that's different). Also, nothing that goes on where your MC can't know about it - in another place, while they're sleeping etc. (The MC can hear about those events second-hand.)
0 comment threads
0 comment threads