Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/37787
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Karl is my detective protagonist. His girlfriend, Jenna, is with him. He is hospitalized, and his boss, Rob Tucker, shows up for a visit. Which example of dialogue is correct? In true first person, can Rob and Jenna actually speak, or do I need to just say through Karl's eyes what they said?

Version 1:

> “Hey, buddy! Hi, Jenna. How’s our guy holding up?” It was my boss, Rob Tucker. Jenna started to explain, “He’s doing pretty well, considering what --"  
> “Rob!” I interjected, suddenly trembling with emotion, “There you are! What the hell happened partner? How did we --”  
> “Rob was hit, too, Karl,” Jenna said, and, as Tucker came fully into view, I could see that his left arm was in a sling.  
> 'Goddamn!' I thought. 'They got him, too!'  
> “It’s nothing,” replied Rob, sounding a little surly. “It’s just a scrape. It only took them a few minutes to fix me up. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

Version 2:

> As I lay there in bed - and in pain - my boss, Rob Tucker showed up in the doorway and asked how I was doing.  
> Jenna started to explain, but I interrupted.  
> "Rob! It's you! What the hell happened, partner? How did we screw --"  
> Jenna then interrupted me to explain that Tucker had been hit, too.  
> Then I noticed that his left arm was in a sling. "God damn!" I blurted.  
> But Tucker brushed it off, saying it was nothing, and that he would be fine in a couple of days.

Original score: 0