A poker game description that does not feel gimmicky
I'm writing a scene in which four characters play a high-stakes poker game. So far my narrator has been an omniscient third person, who just does not wish to enter into the characters' heads.
I started going around the table. I have the fingers fumbling with the corners of the cards, the tapping of cigars on the greasy tablecloth and the occasional sip of liquor. I even added background crickets and the smell of freshly cut grass. Then I slowly uncovered the hand, and went on with the bidding. It feels gimmicky. Dull.
Do I need to show the characters' thoughts in order to get some believable tension? Can it be done with a mere description? Is it the timing, or perhaps I'm not focusing on the right elements?
In one question: how to slowly and credibly raise the tension using pure description (no dialogue) as a poker game unfolds on the table (two rounds at most)?
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Trying to explain a game that not every reader is knowledgeable about or interested in is rather hard. If you don't want to scare off your readers or bore them, one solution is to completely ignore the game itself and focus on the reactions.
So I would take @matildalee23's answer a step further:
Don't describe that a player had the third royal flush in a row, but describe how after he makes his play every players eyes widen in awe and doubt, how a few of the players close to him are getting nervous and back away and how your main character feels the rage starting to boil in him.
The reader will fill in the gaps and at this point it doesn't really matter which game is played. They may not care for or understand poker but they understand and care for human reactions because that is a pretty universal language. TL;DR: The use of emotion is just as important as the portrayal of the rules of the game.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44514. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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What is the point of the scene?
High stakes games can happen in an extremely relaxed atmosphere if all the players are emotionally stable, understand poker and what to expect from it, and are properly bankrolled.
If you're hoping to magically get tension just because it's a "high stakes" poker game, you will fail - you really need to figure out where the scene fits into to the bigger story, how it impacts characters after the results of the game are known, what each player brings to the game, what the relationships between the players are and how they evolve during the game, etc, then you have a chance of writing an impactful and memorable scene.
As far as elements of poker that can help you make the action more dramatic, assuming the scene actually makes sense in the larger arc of the story, think of these, and see if they apply:
- Maybe a player does not understand poker, is gambling with too much money, and just loses without understanding what's going on? Does the damage done by gambling fit into your story?
- Maybe a competent player is somehow forced into playing higher stakes that he's not bankrolled for, gets into a situation that would be fairly standard in poker, but being "money scared" because of the higher stakes is making the decision extra difficult for him.
- Maybe losing money is not the issue, but some other factors may be at play.
- Do you want to show a player outplaying another player?
- Do you want to show lady luck being harsh and letting a worse player hit the one-outer?
- Do you want to show a standard situation that only impacts the players bankrolls in a statistically nominal way, and demonstrate that high stakes players can take bad beats and coolers in a professional manner?
In short - I'd suggest figuring out what role you want the game scene to play in your bigger picture, and then asking an actual good player to figure out the poker action that might help bring the readers along for the ride. If you try to write the poker action without understanding poker, you will end up with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfrcQ2EKVtA
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44544. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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Ditch the omniscient viewpoint
Tension comes from the unknown possibilities. By using an omniscient viewpoint the readers don't feel any of the tension the characters do because they already know the outcome. Instead I would use an 'over-the-shoulder' 3rd person view.
You don't need to get inside a characters head, just show things from their point of view. If the readers know only one hand and have to rely on actions and cues from the other characters in the scene there will be tension from the unknown.
Add more rounds
You said "two rounds at most", this is completely unrealistic for real poker. Poker is a game of growing odds and tension over hours and dozens of rounds (hands). To show the growing tension I would suggestion description 1-2 hands at the start and then skipping over a few to the key hands.
The first step to make this seem tense and exciting is to make it seem believable. Research actual high stakes poker games and how they played out. Avoid "fluke" wins where possible and try to keep the game realistic.
Once you have a believable game you can show the increasing tensions by describing the events below. There are likely others but these are a good start:
- Increasing bets
- Diminishing chip stack of MC
- Non-critical players being eliminated
- Increasing number of spectators
- Increasing the time taken per bet/turn
Focus on the people not the cards
Describing a series of card draws, bets, checks and reveals will feel lame or gimmicky. The thing that makes games like poker interesting is the people who are playing it, their reactions to the game and the by-play between them. Focus most of your attention on the reactions to the cards that are played. Who flinched, who smiled, who didn't even blink? matildalee23's answer has several other good examples.
Use traditional plot elements to drive the tension
The five elements of plot conflict are a staple of good story telling. You can use them on a smaller scene scale as well.
- Exposition: the opening hands, players are feeling each other out, no big bets but possibly a few bluffs.
- Rising action: bets increasing, players eliminated, the key players are revealed.
- Climax: The big hand, often this will mean someone is all in but it doesn't have to be. Cliche would have the MC throw in the thing they can't afford to lose to meet a big bet.
- Falling action: the closing hands, finish out the game but the likely conclusion is known now.
- Resolution: What happens next? This game meant something what are the outcomes?
Clearly if this game is bigger than just a game you can end the game itself at any point. Your climax could result in someone pulling a weapon or flipping the table, some kind of breaking point for the growing tension.
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What you describe in the question sounds perfectly fine to me. So if other people are telling you (or you're telling yourself) that it's not quite right, the problem isn't what you're doing, it's how you're doing it.
After all, some people love to watch TV coverage of poker games. There the narrator can only describe what the camera sees, and maybe add some outside information (like a player's history). There's no way to know what's happening in the players' heads.
While adding in POVs from different characters might work great, it could also be very confusing and busy and turn the reader off. Do it only if there's a strong reason for it and not because you're worried the narrator you have is too dull.
For those who like watching poker (not being one of them, I can only guess), I assume they get to know the players some. The way that watching the Olympics is more fun if you know some of the backstories of the top competitors (how he slipped on the ice half a second before the finish line 4 years ago and lost the gold, how she trained in a country that doesn't even get snow and still made the Olympics). But pausing the action to stick in one more "heartwarming" story is enough to make you barf (don't do this).
So get to know the characters ahead of time (I don't know your story so I am guessing you do this but I don't actually know). We need to know what's at stake for each character as s/he plays. Reputation? Money? Proving something? or? Then each change in the cards and bets has meaning.
The sounds, smells, sights, and physicality of the scene you describe help set the mood. Not just for the reader but for the characters. You can also show what some of the characters are feeling by their actions and what they do and don't notice. Distracted, nervous, focused.
When you're done writing it, show it to someone you trust to tell you the truth. See what does and doesn't work and write it again.
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