How to creep the reader out with what seems like a normal person?

The specific details you choose don't matter as much as how you wield them. You want to start out with details that are incredibly subtle. These are less to clue your readers in and more to reward close readers and give "aha!" moments on rereads. Then, move to details that are more noticeable but don't give a complete picture so that your readers start actively guessing what's going on. Gradually increase how blatant the hints are. When you're ready for your monster's identity to be clear, give a final clue or two that ties the whole riddle together for your readers.

One of my favorite examples of this is the main antagonist in Terry Pratchett's novel Reaper Man. It's set up the opposite of your question - it's a blatantly eldritch being with a mysterious and surprising true nature - but the progression of hints is similar to what I think you'd find helpful.

In the story, mysterious snow globes begin spontaneously appearing. They're clearly introduced as being a threat, but what exactly they're doing is left as the mystery that's gradually built up. People who find them start selling them, causing the globes to be distributed around the city that makes the main setting. This is as much the globes' decision as it is the choice of the people trying to make money. This doesn't tip Pratchett's hand in the mystery yet, but when you know what the globes truly are, this makes a lot of sense. It is a deliberately obtuse hint that gives a nice "aha" moment later in the story.

Eventually, the globes hatch and turn into sentient metal carts, which wheel around and cause havoc around the city. Now the clue is impossible to miss and gets you to start thinking. Shortly before the climax, the carts begin congregating near some kind of hive that has just appeared outside the city, and pamphlets of paper advertising new businesses opening up inside the hive start raining from the sky. It's pretty clear at this point that the hive is some kind of predator that wants to lure human victims inside of it, and the carts are its drones. The puzzle pieces start coming together, but the picture is still muddy.

The final battle begins as the protagonists go inside of the hive. The hive is described in lovecraftian language. It's made of large, cavernous hallways that are fleshy but quickly solidifying into some sort of cathedral-like building. Strange words appear on walls. The humans the hive has already consumed have been put under its thrall and forced to dress as guards or clowns. At some point in all of this description, it hits you:

The "hive" is a sentient shopping mall, and the carts are actually just shopping carts. If the mall wins, it's going to suck the life energy out of the city it's attacking - by turning it into a boring cookie-cutter shopping district!

The way Pratchett handles this build-up is so masterful that he does not refer to the hive's true identity until several dozen pages after the reader has figured it out for themselves, and the way he finally calls the monster by its true name is so casual that it's clear he's confident the reader is already in on the secret. I do recommend reading Reaper Man for a strong example of how to present a mysterious antagonist and give the reader a sense something is off, but not give away exactly what they should be suspicious of until the story wants it to happen.

posted over 5 years ago

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Kevin‭

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Have animals react to them strangely

It's a trope (with a surprising amount of real-world evidence) that animals can sense things wrong with the world that people can't. Impending earthquakes, cancers, nefarious intentions etc.

Dogs raise their hackles and stare, cats slink out of the room. Easy to explain by him/her/it saying 'yeah, dogs and cats just don't seem to like me'. Bit strange, but hey ho. It happens to some people. Birds fly out of trees when they walk past, but birds are skittish anyway.

It's the worms that give it away. Every step on grass makes them writhe to the surface and wriggle desperately away. They touch a tree and the woodlice skitter out of the bark. Stand next to those tanks of lobsters in restaurants and they press themselves to the glass at the other end.

Yeah. Once you notice it. Terrifying.

posted over 5 years ago

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Ynneadwraith‭

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There was a short story I read a while ago, where a character was clued in to some mental meddling by another character answering a question word-for-word the same on three occasions in the text, with none of the little variations people toss in or without (apparently) realizing or commenting that they'd already answered. The questions were far enough apart, and the answers casual enough, that it wasn't obvious, obvious, but it could've been enough to be noticed (or even not-noticed, but make someone twitchy) before the character brought it up.

So, maybe you could have some... echoes in people's POVs about this character. Little sentences or fragments or observations that just happen to be word-for-word the same across some otherwise different POV's - because the perfectly ordinary responses to perfectly ordinary actions by this character are, well, in universe scripted out.

If the POVs and the characters are otherwise not overly similar, ie, wouldn't use the same phrasing or vocabulary, it wouldn't come across as "just" reusing phrases but could create a subtle flatness or repetition that could be unnerving.

This would pair exceedingly well with Wrzlprmft's suggestion of playing around with subtle linguistic changes - using subtly different or altered versions of characters or fonts when referring to this person, to give a subtle sense of difference.

If, or maybe when, you need to make it increasingly obvious, you could have characters begin to notice similar turns of phrase - but not (at first) think anything of it... maybe a glance to the last person who said the exact-same-thing in the last scene, maybe a half-smile when it's echoed since it was expected, or someone "quoting" rather than saying the phrase, or more than one saying it in unison (again, possibly "on purpose")... there are reasons people might use the same phrase (usually quotes or inside jokes), so it can be subtly noticed and called out without becoming overt right away, and only later escalate into this echoey mindless repeat of a phrase even when it's clear it doesn't apply the way it seemed.

posted over 5 years ago

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Megha‭

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Creepy normally scare people away. Maybe its just their eyes that are an issue not counted as murderous but just don't look straight into them. As someone who has a family trait of both resting bitch face and murderous eyes when all I'm doing is just my normal neutral expression it does turn some people off I look at people who are joking and they'll think they've deeply pissed me off and apologize or go quiet and all I did was just glance up and go back to work. For me this can be a bit weird how they react to that. Odd jokes is another way like finding humor in death, mutilation, or car crashes ect but combo the looks and jokes too often and some people do want you to be evaluated.

It could just be an air about them that only a very rare few people could pick up on. Or people feel the slightest of dizzy spells that they could blame on a million other things but never this one character added to that its not enough of a spell to want them to sit down or fall over.

Or the character is very friendly when approached yet they do not approach others but people are simultaneously drawn to them when they are of a vibrational tune this eldritch finds comforting or whatever the person however may take on a mannerism they've never done like itch their ear or like a flavor or color or think x is more x when they hang out with eldritch. Assuming your eldritch is suppose to blend in with society.

Someone eventually points this oddity out to the main character it takes several times the person pointing it out is not of the same vibrational patterns the eldritch likes so they don't get along eventually through great effort the main character begins to learn they do the thing and questions why. If the MC starts to change the pattern they change their frequency souring the eldritch to them.

I think a character that did well in hiding their serial killer tendencies was the villain of Life is Strange no one thought it was them by a lot of accounts and many were shocked it was them but once you replay the game it was there all the time it wasn't his eyes mostly it was what he said and how he said it and knowing what you knew its like right in front of you the entire time but the game had you thinking it was several other people to the point you got to joking is the killer that millennial snob there or the janitor? Or was it that awkward guy who knew the murder victim and wanted to sketch you?

posted over 5 years ago

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Mio‭

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Brandon Sanderson uses shadows which point the wrong way, towards the light instead of away, in at least one of his books to mark when something is wrong.

Maybe your being should similarly warp physics in various subtle ways?

• When he speaks, things close to edges on counters tend to fall off.
• Water won't boil when he is present.
• Gravity seems weaker.
• They leave the room, but are still present. "As X was explaining the situation, Y sat up straight, and Z, seemingly bored, left for his bedroom. X asked Y if he understood what was just said, so Y gestured to Z and asked "Z, what do you think?" To which Z responded, "I'd say it's straightforward".

posted over 5 years ago

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Byron Altice‭

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Something is very off about this being, and everyone knows it.

Except it's not. When someone is very off, people steer clear. The creepy guy who hangs out in front of the supermarket makes his creepiness known by asking out any woman unfortunate enough to engage him in conversation for 5 seconds. The creepy little girl likes to talk in depth about dead animals she "happened" to find.

People talk and joke about creepy people they know. They do this to confirm their beliefs and to warn others. It's a form of social bonding, in a way that protects them from the weirdo...it can also be a form of discrimination.

Because there is sometimes that fine line between marking someone as creepy and discrimination, or just plain unfairness, people are reluctant to do it in borderline cases. They're more likely to label (either out loud or to themselves) when it's a stranger they won't see again, but even then, they may just shake it off.

What you want is a set of very subtle differences your character exudes. Any one of them can be passed off as misspeaking, being distracted, or just a personality quirk. It's the totality that give people pause.

Because of that, there is nothing specific anyone can point to. They won't mull over any one incident, because it doesn't amount to much. If you want all this out of not just your character's words, but also out of their thoughts, it has to be a pattern only the subconscious picks up on.

Have you ever been around someone and you suddenly start thinking about movies you saw, TV shows, books, etc? You might not even realize the person reminds you of someone else, just that hmmm, oh, this just popped into my head.

What if most every time one of your characters interacted with your eldritch, they turn to their companion and say something like, "Let's see a movie tonight! Oh, I know, how about Us?" Or they start talking about the real life haunted house in their town growing up. Or maybe they and their companion each get a quick chill.

Any one time, it doesn't mean anything. But the reader will see this over and over and get a clue, even if the characters only understand this on a subconscious level.

So what are the little things the eldritch can do that feel "off"?

I'd start with things that aren't actions or words.

People give off energy and an eldritch would have a very different energy. This would be another reason why a character wouldn't label the person as creepy or weird. Most people aren't willing to tell someone else that person's aura is off, or whatever. Unless they're already super into New Agey stuff (this is old agey stuff, but not in mainstream culture).

• Get a chill when passing the eldritch.
• When in a conversation or other interaction, your emotions feel like they're wrapped in cotton wool. You're not depressed, just muted.
• The outside world is slightly muted as well. You don't pay attention to anyone else until someone resorts to tapping your shoulder or calling your name.
• There's a pit in your stomach. Hunger? Ate something bad? Drank cold water too fast?
• You realize your child is clinging to your arm so hard you almost drop your bag.
• Your legs feel heavy, rooted, you want to end the interaction but your body isn't listening.

Then there are things that the eldritch actually does or says.

Little things they get wrong, as if they aren't from around here. There's no accent, no verbal tics, but something is not quite right. Can't put a finger on it.

• Speaks to the same to children and adults. I don't mean avoiding baby talk, but more that they don't understand that people of different ages comprehend things on different levels.
• Language is slightly too formal for the occasion.
• Aside from a couple pat phrases, a complete inability to engage in small talk. With just enough self-awareness to make people think it's a quirk, not an inability.
• No fidgeting. Nothing. No touching things to feel their texture (clothes, hair, plants). No playing with their own fingers.
• No swaying or adjusting weight (some people move because it feels right and others need to adjust weight to avoid soreness). They're not at military readiness or anything, just still.
• A second longer than average to respond to questions/conversation.
• Complete (but brief) answers to questions, no more, no less.
• Nothing personal, ever. No "my husband and I love that restaurant" or "time to go pick up the kids."
• Clothes, makeup, hair, shoes, etc are exactly so, but not looking like a professional do-over or anything. They don't look like a model or actor, but there's nothing out of place either. No wrinkles or scuffs or faded lipstick. Hair looks real and not sprayed in place, but it's not frizzy or poofy or in an off position.

posted over 5 years ago

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Cyn‭

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