I have a dialogue that I can't write directly. What would be a good alternative?
My attempt at the current writing challenge features a flock of sparrows.
Since the actual "dialogue" between two sparrows would sound like a bunch of cheeping, I need another way to show what they're saying.
Here are the options I've considered so far:
Normal quotation marks. (Example: "This crumb is MINE.") This feels like the weakest option - the sparrows aren't speaking English. Normally I could add "she replied in (language)", but the sparrows don't have an official language, and it doesn't feel right to give them one.
Showing the effect on the character. (Example: Raider was having none of it. The crumb was HERS, she insisted.) Sounds a little flat.
Italics. (Example: This crumb is MINE.) I think this is my strongest option, but also might make the sparrows sound telepathic.
Are there any other options?
3 answers
Just use English, in quotes, like any dialogue.
When we write about medieval fantasy, the narrator is always translating ancient languages to English for the reader. It is understood, whether you are writing for Hobbits or writing for sparrows or writing for medieval humans, that you are translating their communications system into modern English for the reader. Actual medieval speech as spoken would be unintelligible to us; even the writing from two hundred years ago is difficult to read.
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How do you know what the sparrows are thinking?
I mean that sincerely. If you're watching them, you attribute dialogue to them because they're obviously communicating things to each other. They just don't use speech or other formal language.
You know what they're "saying" because their body language and interactions with each other and objects around them makes it clear to any observer. As well as clear to the other sparrows.
Perhaps your solution isn't in the description, but in the narration.
If you were telling this story to a friend, you'd add in the dialogue in a way where no one would think the birds spoke in words.
The brown sparrow was eating his bread crumb when the gray one plopped right between his and his food and told him "mine!" She glared at him until he backed away then she began to eat the bread. He snuck towards her, trying to grab a small bit that had fallen off, but she cheeped "back off dude!" until he gave up and flew away.
So allow your narrator some poetic license. If a human observer can tell what the sparrows are thinking, express those interpretations through your narrator.
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Tell your audience that the sparrows are cheeping and use italics for the translation. This is a technique that I've seen in a few books for communication that isn't verbal/audible the italics carries the meaning but it's stated beforehand that the character isn't hearing the dialogue, often used for for mortals "conversing" with greater entities.
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