How do we end a description properly?
Sometimes, I have trouble coming up with a way to end a description properly, especially one that's at the very end of a chapter. What are some of the things you can do, especially when the description just describes a set of actions taken by a character? Is there a way of doing this without going inside the head of the character and describing his psychological state or inner thoughts?
He waved her goodbye, and then he sipped his cup of coffee while looking towards the window. When the elevator rang, he looked back at her with a smile to send her off.
I have no idea what you can do after that without describing his psychological state or inner thoughts. The character doesn't do any action and I don't want to describe his psychological state or inner thoughts, because the character is extremely unimportant to the story.
Two lines feels way too short, I am trying to add like 3-4 additional lines.
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First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong with describing a character's psychological state and inner thoughts (thought I would suggest focussing on the emotional state rather than the psychological). This is something that only the novel can do, and therefore a vital element of stories that only a novel can tell.
But that said, you should not do it as a lazy alternative to creating a drama by which we will perceive their emotions from the things they do and the the things that happen to them. This is to be preferred whenever it works. And this is not a matter of describing facial expressions or adding an adjective to the verbs that describe their actions. Saying, "Jeff frowned. 'Maureen has gone,' he said sadly." That is not showing through action. That is describing emotions really briefly.
Human beings are naturally sympathetic and empathetic. When we see something happen to someone, we don't need to be told how they feel, because we feel it too. Just show us who the character is, then show us the event happening, and we will intuit the emotions for ourselves. Unless, of course, the protagonist's emotions are contrary to expectations. That is when it is useful to describe them.
Tim smiled inwardly as they threw the clods of earth onto his mother's coffin.
Tell us the thoughts and emotions that are contrary to expectations. Otherwise, let us figure them out for ourselves.
And that is, ideally, how you want to end a chapter, by subverting expectations. Your current closing line is pretty mundane as it stands. But if the actions it describes are contrary to the reader's expectations, then those same words could be powerful.
The guard fastened the shackles to his mother's wrists and led her towards the execution room. He waved her goodbye, and then he sipped his cup of coffee while looking towards the window. When the elevator rang, he looked back at her with a smile to send her off.
Put it in that context and those mundane words suddenly become chilling.
It is not about what the word are by themselves. It is about the effect they have in context. You don't need to subvert expectations at the end of every chapter. But you do want to do something to keep the reader reading, something to force them to immediately dive into the next chapter.
Do I want to know what happens next to a character that sips his coffee and waves goodbye as his mother is dragged off to the execution chamber? Heck yes.
As to your comment that the character you are describing is "extremely unimportant" to the story: in that case, they have no business at the end of a chapter. Beginnings and ends of chapters are the links that bind the story together. They are important. They need to concern important things and important people. Otherwise, why should the reader read on?
If a chapter just seems to be petering out, then it is likely that the whole construction of the ending is wrong, and perhaps that the whole construction of the chapter is wrong. A chapter should involve at least one important change of value for an important character, and the ending should generally emphasise, or subvert, or hint at an upcoming reversal of that value. It should end with a bang, not a whimper.
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The problem with your description doesn't seem to be the word count, but a lack of conflict. Sesquipedalias has the right idea - it feels like you've described something that isn't important to your story.
You have a character waving goodbye and drinking his coffee - both ordinary, everyday actions. You've gone out of your way to call the reader's attention to something that appears to be perfectly normal. It's a signal to the readers that something isn't normal, and they should take a closer look.
Mundane actions are rarely described in detail, unless they're remarkable in some way. Readers can safely assume that a character went to work, ate dinner, and went to sleep. There's no real need for the writer to mention these things - unless the character got into a car accident during the morning commute, had an argument break out at the dinner table, or fell asleep and had a bizarre, prophetic dream.
It's up to you to decide what you wanted to achieve by adding these two lines and putting more focus on it (or, if there was none, I'd recommend editing it out).
If you're looking to avoid describing the character's inner thoughts, one option is to change how you describe his actions. For example:
He gave her a halfhearted wave goodbye, then sighed and sipped his cup of coffee while staring gloomily towards the window. When the elevator rang, he looked back at her and forced a smile to send her off.
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If this character is unimportant to the story presumably the other character in the scene is more important, focus more on them.
It seemed to her she would not be able to coax anything else out of him as he waved her goodbye and took a sip from his coffee. As the elevator doors closed she saw him smile and was glad for the words of wisdom he had given her.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47801. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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