How does someone write a moving Declaration of Independence?
Context: I'm among a growing number of people who are becoming dissatisfied with Stack Exchange. In some ways (not all, but some), Stack Exchange's behaviour is analogous to "curation without representation". Assuming at some point Codidact will be launched, it seems worthwhile to analogously write a Declaration of Independence from Stack Exchange.
The USA's Declaration of Independence is transcribed here; its writing is moving, and people strongly believe in it hundreds of years later. E.g.:
A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Hence my question...
Question: How does someone write a moving Declaration of Independence?
In particular, it absolutely should not make people think "disgruntled militia out for revenge", but instead inspire people to take up the ideal.
I'm brainstorming the idea of whipping up a proof-of-concept Codidact Declaration of Independence, and interested in what techniques have been used in prior declarations to make them feel moving.
If done well, it could be propagated widely.
2 answers
In particular, it absolutely should not make people think "disgruntled militia out for revenge", but instead inspire people to take up the ideal.
This is an impossible goal.
Declarations of independence are written between countries: powerful entities that affect every part of their inhabitants' lives, including life and death themselves. People fight for their countries, with physical weapons and not angry blog posts, because they value their country over the risk of death.
StackExchange is… a website. The most invested made a career and friends; the majority of users learnt a few interesting things.
Attempting to rouse passion about the ideals of a website, as if it was as important as a country, would look ridiculous. Such a poor sense of proportion would drive away anyone who's not already fully on board, and many who are.
That leaves a few options:
- A light-hearted and fun text, with the name "Declaration of Independence" or references to the US declaration as tongue-in-cheek nods to the silliness of running websites like countries. The message is "We're fun, unlike those corporate killjoys!" A model would be The Programmer's Bill of Rights.
- A straightforward list of principles and how you intend to implement them. It may or may not explicitly point out differences from StackExchange. The message is "Here's what sort of thing we're making; join if you like that, stay away if you don't." A model would be the Agile manifesto.
- A perky marketing brochure of all the advantages this community has. The message is "We're great!" You can model it after any "why is the bee's knees" article, let's say this one about Rust.
You can write a good "declaration of independence" by simply listing what the new group is all about; you cannot model it after real declarations of independence, because the patriotic fervour just isn't there.
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I'm reading the question with an eye toward language rather than to the actual intent or ultimate purpose of the declaration you're considering, Becky. In other words, my answer has nothing to do with whether it's a good or bad idea to write a declaration of independence for a website.
You asked: "How does someone write a moving Declaration of Independence?"
and you quoted: "A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people."
The second line is moving because it represents an ideal. Tyranny is wrong. One man cannot justly sit in dominion over all other men--we recognize this. It is the difference between (1) "let us listen to our better angels" (which implies 'we' touch the divine, and from a position of student. Humility. That within us which is inherently good and true. ...Those things are a must, I think, in the writing you describe) and (2) "it's my way or the highway, bucko" (which aspires to nothing).
So, draft the piece you have in mind. Then redraft it to shape it into something aspirational, something that recognizes human values and goodness.
As an example, I'm pulling up something that would fail for your purposes. It's the beginning of the unabomber's 1995 manifesto:
The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world.
That is clearly written, with specifics and an obvious target (industry=villain). But, it also sounds vaguely like a call to arms, or that such will soon manifest, (and in fact it does: "We therefore advocate a revolution against the industrial system").
It's a manifesto. It's not an aspirational piece of writing, but a bit of a screed.
He wrote it the way he wanted to write it, and i chose it because it represents something very different than you are after. Let's say your first draft of a Declaration of Independence comes across as a screed. Then, if you wanted to shape it in a less adversarial way, I might suggest (1) using encompassing language (encompassing both people and the nature of history--encompassing our triumphs and our challenges). Also, (2) try weaving ideals within that language.
If I'd been a beta reader for Ted Kazinsky (!! LOL) I'd ask him if he might want to skew more in the following direction, so as to be less likely to turn people off:
Today, as has been true too many times in our past, we endure a period of turbulent upheaval and death. And, in this era of environmental degradation, the ideals of the founders including that "all men are created equal" are further from our grasp than ever before, and we ourselves hold blame. We squarely hold blame for the social inequities that define our society. In these deep and dark times, we call upon one another to claim common cause: just stewardship of the environment toward the well-being of ourselves, our children and our grandchildren. Toward that goal, we find growing will to enact the following:
tl;dr: My answer is to write a draft and then play with language within it. Make the language encompassing of people and time/history/common experience, tone down judgmental and innately oppositional statements, weave in the ideals that people typically respond to (to be responsible, to grow, to help one another, to recognize our shared humanity and that we all are, in fact, equal). Strong language is a must, but I suspect that any strong language that makes an activist call should be placed properly, after the reader's heart has swelled in recognition and support.
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