Opening a story with a reference to what someone just said followed by a setting description
An example:
Naomi's words hung in the air as I gazed out of the hotel window. The mountain lay quietly in the dark, like a calm, sleeping giant. A cluster of city lights glittered beyond. In the forest nearby, pine trees bowed slightly in the wind, and the loud cries of cicadas reverberated among the trunks.
"The Giant Ancient Tree?" I said, making sure I had heard right.
Naomi nodded.
I turned to look at her. "I thought it was just a myth."
I would like to know if this reads smoothly, and whether it feels clumsy to start with a reference to what someone just said, and then follow that with a setting description (of course, with the topic being reveled immediately after).
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/8263. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
Yep, works for me. Particularly if this is the literal opening of the story, not just the scene; I like to establish some sort of setting fairly early on. You don't linger too much. You're giving us just enough for us to grasp where she is, and then get back to the dialogue.
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