I feel my protagonist is too "detached" from the main plot. What should I do?
Here's a summary of the plot:
The main character goes to a mountain to visit his half-sister. He hasn't seen her in years.
She went there to undergo a spiritual healing. Later he discovers her wound has something to do with their elder brother, and that she needs him (the protagonist) in order to recover from this affliction.
But that isn't all. While he's in the mountain he meets a girl who (apparently) doesn't possess a soul. She is often seen in the forest near ancient trees. After he meets her she tells him that he didn't only come to the mountain looking for his half-sister, but also looking for her. That he must help her to accomplish something. Something of utter importance.
He's sure he hasn't seen her before, though she looks a lot like a girl he met once when he was a kid.
I'm more or less satisfied with this plot, however, I can't shake off the feeling that the protagonist is more a "spectator" rather than someone who's playing an "active" role in the story.
This isn't happening in another story I'm writing. The story is about a man who tells his wife about a sexual fantasy he has. But that he's OK if she doesn't want to go along with it. However, the wife suddenly stops talking to him, and after that a series of surreal things start to happen to him: he's visited at night by a black bird, and meets a young girl in the forest nearby their house.
Unlike the first story, in this one I feel the main character is deeply rooted in the plot; the story is after all about his relationship with his wife and his sexual desires.
What can I do to solve the problem with the first story? Or should I just drop the entire project (or let it cool down, at least) and focus on the second one?
I've already written 16,000 words for the first one, and 5,000 for the second one (both are second drafts).
(I usually write two stories simultaneously. When I feel I'm "stuck" with one I jump to the other to "relax." Yeah, I don't have many hobbies.)
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2 answers
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Stop making him passive, and make him a hero.
He doesn't "go to visit his sister," he learns about his sister's trouble and affliction, and drops what he is doing to go save her.
He doesn't "meet a girl with no soul," he is walking about waiting for something involving his sister, and sees a girl in the woods, but she runs from him. He investigates, asks about her. People tell him she has no soul, he doesn't believe it. He searches for her, and she needs help. she doesn't tell him why he is there, she resists his company, and he chooses to fix her.
Heroes are proactive. They may by necessity get told what to do, but as often as possible, have them choose, by their own light, to take the risks and accept the harm. Say he is attracted to this girl, she tells him what must be done to save her. He doesn't think anybody else will do it, and he wants to save her.
Now you have a hero's dilemma: He came to save his sister, now he has a love interest to save as well. What does he do? Can he do both?
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Raise the stakes. Give him some urgent reason for doing something or being there. Take something away from him which he has to find, recover, or fix. Add a ticking clock.
- Why is he visiting his half-sister now? Maybe their shared parent is dying? Maybe he's dying?
- Why is he going to the mountain? Maybe he's been diagnosed as missing a soul, or his soul is dying, and something/one on the mountain can fix that? Maybe he had a dream that he had to give a soul to someone on the mountain, or he was told a prophecy?
- Is there a deadline for getting off the mountain? The earthquake from Eri's story? Foresters, clear-cutters, a flood, a plague?
- What's the "something of utter importance"? Can you tie it to something earlier in the story? Can you foreshadow something going on with his wife, husband, child, job, dog, house which only this soulless person can fix?
I'm just riffing, but basically your protagonist is detached because he wandered into the plot. Give him a reason to be there.
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