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Activity for alex‭

Type On... Excerpt Status Date
Edit Post #23866 Initial revision about 5 years ago
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Question Is it correct to write "should/could/must be" in past tense narrative?
Example in my own writing: > Kazumi didn't reply to her boyfriend---or rather ex-boyfriend's---message. Instead, she stayed at Burger King, reanalyzing Kouta's abandonment over a coffee. No, starting a new life couldn't be the whole reason. Kouta should be cooking a bigger plan. Or a more rotten one...
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about 7 years ago
Question Is consonance good or bad in fiction?
Example from my own writing: > I cupped my nose—when I should have covered my ears. To blo ck the wi ck ed mo ck ing of my classmates. I was told by another writer that I should avoid this kind of writing. Is he right? Or consonance is actually desired in fiction?
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over 7 years ago
Question Are the following examples violations of first-person limited?
> We ordered pork belly, beef liver, and lamb slices—a selection that made our tongues melt and our stomachs heat up. > > Rattled by a sound or shake that only Sumire had detected, she picked up her phone. Are these POV violations (first-person limited)? If so, how to modify them so there isn't a ...
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over 7 years ago
Question Is it bad/distracting to mix dialogue and action too much?
One of the answers to this question movitated me to ask this. I don't agree 100% with the answerer, however, I think he has good points. Do you really weaken the focus if you mix dialogue and action too much? Example from my own writing (this is happening in the same scene): > "Does it hurt?" I in...
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over 7 years ago
Question Ways to reduce the -ing verbs in dialogue and action tags?
I find myself writing these a lot: > "Thanks." She tilted her head shyly to the side. As soon as she did, her chin-length hair slid off her face, revealing the bowl-sized bruise that made her tiny eye look enormous. > > "Does it hurt?" I indicated her eyepatch tatoo with one hand, passing her the p...
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over 7 years ago
Question What's the effect of placing "of course" at the beginning or at the end of the sentence?
Example from my writing: > Not everything was rainbow and roses, of course. Sometimes rain would fall on my head or a thorn prickle my finger. > > Of course, not everything was rainbow and roses. Sometimes rain would fall on my head or a thorn prickle my finger. What's the stylistic/rhetorical eff...
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over 7 years ago
Question Is it better to leave out the "filters/filler" in situations like this one?
> “Check this out, Daichi.” Kiyoshi waved the letter at me. “From a girl.” > > [I looked at it.] A rabbit sticker sealed the manila envelope. Graceful handwritten words read: To Kiyoshi. The "filter/filler" here is looked at it (not sure if this is the correct term). Is it better to leave them out...
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over 7 years ago
Question Is it a bad writing practice to open a story with a time frame when the time frame is irrelevant?
Example from my own writing: One time, I sent letters, pretending to be a god. > I spent last week sending letters, pretending to be a god. > > The recipient of these letters was Aiko Kobayashi, the girl who sat six rows behind me ... I just wrote last week because I felt that writing: I sent let...
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over 7 years ago
Question Ways to replace "Then, ..."
I find myself writing "Then, ..." a lot. Example: > As soon as she found my letter---or rather, Kiyoshi's---she widened her slitted eyes and pressed the letter against her chest. Then, as though she were handling a delicate glass sculpture, she opened the envelope. > > > > Mr. HSC squinted his ...
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over 7 years ago
Question Is it strange/confusing to initiate/introduce a dialogue without a dialogue tag?
In other words, is it strange/confusing to do this? > For the next few seconds, I watched Aiko read the letter with her lips agape---lips that steadily curled up into a smile. A contagious one. Because before realizing it, I found myself smiling too, enjoying a happiness that came from someone else'...
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over 7 years ago
Question First-person narrative: Does it make more sense to focus on internal thoughts than external gestures?
Example: > I shook my head unbelieving. Could someone I barely knew know so much about me? > > No, impossible. Could someone I barely knew know so much about me? The first example uses external body language and the second internal monologue. Does the latter make more sense in first-person narrati...
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over 7 years ago
Question Is stating the feeling in the action that describes it a sign of bad writing?
This is a bit hard to explain so here's are are two examples: > She let out a sigh of relief. > > He arched an amused eyebrow. My theory is this: you only need to directly state the emotion when the action doesn't describe if well or clear enough. Maybe I'm wrong?
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over 7 years ago
Question A novel consisting of three separate stories joined only by a theme. A bad idea?
I'm writing a novel where a person who has decided to commit suicide can hire some murderers to kill he/him in the way he/she prefers. There are only two members running this service. A man and a woman. The first chapters (20,000 words) are told from the eyes of a girl who wants to die in the arms o...
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over 7 years ago
Question What's better in fiction: to make personal statements or universal statements?
Here's an example from my own writing: > Watching the ceiling fan stir my thoughts, I said, “His favorite thing was to tell me about his day.” > > Mrs. Saeki gawked at me behind her square glasses. “Unusual from a husband.” > > I nodded. “And they were all about little things. You know, how he pic...
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over 7 years ago
Question How to prevent confusion when writing in two POVs that don't alternate between scenes?
I'm writing a short story structured like this: Character A's POV Character B's POV Character B's POV Character A's POV Character B's POV Based on the first two scenes, the reader would expect to hav...
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almost 8 years ago
Answer A: Approaches to finding critique group for creative nonfiction
Scribophile. You critique other people's work and people critique yours. You can get 10 critiques in a month. The final product is very close as what you get with a professional editor.
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almost 8 years ago
Question Are rhymes bad in prose?
They are the good in lyrics and poems, but what about prose? An example from my own writing: > I fall to the ceramic floor, blood and bile dripping from my lips, my stomach full but my muscles lacking the slightest drop of energy. But that's all right. I don't have to move. I don't have to do anyth...
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almost 8 years ago
Question How should formula variables be formatted in narration?
Say, I mention the following equation in a novel/short story: > (Direct Cost / (100 - Desired Profit)) \ 100 How should I format that in narration? In capital letters? Italics? > First variable to tackle: Direct Cost/direct cost or Direct Material Cost/direct material cost. What was the raw materi...
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almost 8 years ago
Question Are metaphors superior to similes in the following cases?
Here are the examples. The first version is the simile and the second the metaphor (I'm not sure, though, what kind it is). > We faced away from each other awkwardly, as if we were on the first date we never had. > > We faced away from each other awkwardly, portraying the first date we never had. >...
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almost 8 years ago
Question Should I italicize neologisms created by communities?
For example, should I italicize words like neg and kino? Words created by the pick-up artists/seduction community? (I'm writing a novel where I use these words.)
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almost 8 years ago
Question Turning normal phrases into gerund phrases: What's the effect in the reader?
For example, what's the difference between: > She closed her eyes and thought about her life. > > He was so confident and handsome women circled him like vultures. And this: > Closing her eyes, she thought about her life. > > Being so confident and handsome, women circled him like vultures. Mai...
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about 8 years ago
Question Can you use third person limited in a story that begins before the MC is born?
I'm writing a story which starts with the birth of the MC; the scene just shows the parents talking with the doctor. The MC enters the picture in third person limited in the following scene (and the POV continues throughout the story). Is this still third person limited? Or it's third person omnisci...
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about 8 years ago
Question How to present common foreign words in fiction?
In a story I use the Japanese words konnichiwa and kawaii: > "Konnichiwa!" greeted a voice. > > "Wanna cuddle with a cutie for a couple of minutes?" She beamed a kittenish kawaii smile. I thought most people would understand these, so I didn't add a translation. Instead, I added verbs and adjectiv...
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about 8 years ago