Tiptoe or tiphoof? Adjusting words to better fit fantasy races
English is a language invented by humans, for humans. Which means some words don't fit well when you're writing about characters who aren't human.
For example: Suppose I write "The demon tiptoed across the room."
My inner nitpicker complains that demons don't have toes. But if I try to replace "tiptoed" with "tiphoofed" (tip-hoofed?), it just looks weird.
Are there any guidelines for dealing with this sort of situation, or do I just have to play it by ear?
Edit: Two of the POV characters are demons - the word choice needs to work for a demon's perspective. And they're obsessed with correctness.
Edit #2: The demons have had billions of years to figure out how to walk on their hind legs. They're perfectly capable of tiptoeing/tiphoofing.
Adapt to the culture. If it's a town of demons and the narrator is implied to be well familiarized with them, then you c …
5y ago
Hoofed creatures are always effectively tiptoeing, but it doesn't help them sneak around silently. But there are other w …
5y ago
It might be worth pointing out that the hoof of, say, a horse, is essentially a single toe. https://www.amnh.org/exhibi …
5y ago
I think Secespitus hits the nail on the head by saying: > People will rarely look at the letter of a word means. They k …
5y ago
Doing something like this occasionally can be pretty entertaining, but if be careful when inventing new words: too many …
5y ago
I wouldn't shy away from "tiptoe", if I have a non-human species that has been around longer than humans, I consider eve …
5y ago
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Hoofed creatures are always effectively tiptoeing, but it doesn't help them sneak around silently. But there are other ways that they can improve their stealth all stemming from the idea of interposing some cloth between hoof and floor:
- Wrap a cloth around their hoofs,
- Dangle cloth from each arm to the floor on which they can step,
- Wear shoes with a soft sole.
Fleshing out the details of demon sneaking like this gives your demons more flavor and serves to further immerse your audience.
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Adapt to the culture. If it's a town of demons and the narrator is implied to be well familiarized with them, then you can go with 'tiphoof' and other such expressions, coining new idioms for the culture, replacing common phrases with more suitable counterparts, often playing puns with the expressions.
On the other hand, if there is a culture clash, with the speaker/narrator being unfamiliar with the demon customs and language you'll either go with common 'human' expressions, or show hesitation. Express that inner nitpicker!
"The demon tiptoed... tiphoofed? Can one even tip-hoof? Eh, let's say the demon crept sneakily across the room."
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44047. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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I think Secespitus hits the nail on the head by saying:
People will rarely look at the letter of a word means. They know what "tiptoeing" implies and that is all they need to imagine the scene.
Imagine being the key word. IMHO, immersion is far more crucial in a story than correctness. The true joy of reading comes when you are so engrossed in a story that you forget you are reading.
Every time an author uses a word that's difficult, for any reason, the reader is forced to pause and take stock. Reality returns, the immersion is lost, and it takes time to recover.
Their brain switches from being immersed in your scene to considering the word tip-hoofing, and whether it feels right or correct. They may like the word and even smile to themselves, but the continuity of the scene has undoubtedly snapped. Moments pass while their brain disengages from processing diction to re-imagining the scene. Meanwhile, your story has lost its flow.
For the same reason, I steer clear of overly-elaborate or complex diction, since immersion is more important than attempts to demonstrate a wide vocabulary.
Edited after OP's edit:
If it's the demon who is nit-picky and obsessed with correctness (rather than the author as originally understood) there's nothing wrong with one demon saying tiptoed and the other correcting him to tip-hoofed for a bit of tongue-in-cheek dialogue. That could add to the character's roundedness if it's part of who s/he is.
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Doing something like this occasionally can be pretty entertaining, but if be careful when inventing new words: too many new words can make your book hard to read.
If the people in your world invented certain words because something "unrealistic" is completely normal there than it's fine if the word comes up from time to time. So if your demons are "normal" people will have thought about whether it's "tiptoe" or "tiphoof" and will use the correct term accordingly. Or at least those few people that regularly interact with demons and know how petty they can be. You don't want to anger a demon after all and those poor commoners that never get to interact with these magnificent creatures tend to make a blunder when first encountering one - for example by using the wrong word, even if everybody knows that demons don't like when people call them out on not having any toes. Poor little commoners, always getting eaten because of such little mistakes...
It could also be interesting if you do this once when introducing something. Like "The demon was tiptoeing around the room - or more precisely tiphoofing as it didn't have any toes as far as I could see."
But if every page consists of three new words that are partly normal everyday words it will get difficult. People will rarely look at the letter of a word means. They know what "tiptoeing" implies and that is all they need to imagine the scene.
If there is a good reason to use such a word by all means go ahead and use it. But don't use it just for the sake of being different or perfectly correct. Many demons don't care about political correctness, only about the next contract to get some tasty souls. People mostly want to read about demons and tasty souls - not about the anatomy if there is no character specifically analysing demon anatomy.
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It might be worth pointing out that the hoof of, say, a horse, is essentially a single toe.
https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/horse/the-evolution-of-horses/on-your-toes
I can't speak for the evolution of demons, so not sure if that helps with the nit-picking, but I wouldn't have a problem with 'tiptoed' if I saw it, whatever hoofed creature was being described. It summons up the correct image, which surely is all that is required.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44053. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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I wouldn't shy away from "tiptoe", if I have a non-human species that has been around longer than humans, I consider everything I write about them translation of their language to English. If they have any posture or means of walking more silently, "tiptoe" is an appropriate translation.
However, if you are bothered by the anatomical incorrectness, just substitute an actual description of the walk.
The demon moved slowly across the room, landing his hooves carefully and silently on the wood flooring, to not alarm the couple sleeping in the bed.
I will agree with NKCambell's comment; "tiptoe" does have a comical connotation that may be unwanted. If you want this action to feel sinister and not break the reader's immersion, the longer version above (or something like it) will maintain a more sinister air without having to make up words.
Don't be afraid to use more words to convey the right image. Readers don't mind reading.
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