How to represent jealousy in a cute way?
The main character (which is a girl) of the first romance I'm writing would feel jealous sometimes of her love interest, but I want it to be a cute trait or even a setup for funny scenes, not a very obsessive or possessive trait, so they can have a healthy relationship.
For example: They are in a restaurant, and a waitress acts a little flirty and her love interest is kind to her, and that could trigger jealousy for a moment. Maybe, this jealousy could be in the form of feeling a bit annoyed, disinterested or pouting, but I would like to represent in a cute or funny way if possible.
In other words, sometimes she would feel jealous of characters that aren't very important, as jealousy isn't a main factor for this story, just a minor trait of the protagonist. The protagonist also has some self-esteem issues, which is another trait that could be related to jealousy. Eventually, she would overcome these feelings and issues.
I've imagined something like this: She gets pouty and annoyed, maybe lightly teases him, in a way that is entertaining or allows funny situations to develop. These situations could lessen her anxiety, with she reflecting something like this "I exaggerated in my thoughts, maybe I should be more open-minded?" I've seen this done in some anime.
How can I do it in writing, without making it look like I am mocking her for anxiety/insecurity, or that she is too dependent or clichéd? Is there a way to express this jealousy in a cute way when writing fiction? What are some examples of this?
Maybe something simple like a motion such as pushing up her glasses, buttoning the top button of a shirt, letting her ha …
5y ago
First thing first: I'm Italian, and my English will probably fail. I say this because this is "writing" stackexchange, a …
5y ago
Acknowledging that the top answer cautions controlling another person is abuse , and abuse is never cute , I'll try to s …
5y ago
There are so many good answers here. The scenario you are trying to figure out is really a key point to the readers and …
5y ago
Why this is difficult. Jealousy is a natural trait, nearly everyone that falls in love is subject to it at some time. T …
5y ago
This is something you need to be careful with. In popular Western culture, going back decades or further, jealousy is of …
5y ago
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Maybe something simple like a motion such as pushing up her glasses, buttoning the top button of a shirt, letting her hair drop to cover her face on the side nearest him. She does it to symbolize her distancing herself or trying to ignore what she sees. But he sees it as a habit that endears her to him. Perhaps he doesn't even put the two things together if she does something different every time, but these little quirky subtle actions are what draws him to her. The things he finds irresistible that no one else does and helps him realize she is the only one for him.
Care would need to be taken to tell the inner monologue of the flirter immediately afterword to catch their perspective of the quirky behavior.
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Acknowledging that the top answer cautions controlling another person is abuse, and abuse is never cute, I'll try to suggest ways to minimize the issues.
Avoid Blame: The lover is not at fault and clearly not doing anything wrong. The protagonist can see this, and trusts the lover, but can't help having emotions about it. (Cue regular intervals with a therapist.)
Self-Deprecating: Woody Allen (yikes!) made a career out of self-deprecating comedy. It worked for his neurotic characters, especially since many of his jokes seem like inner-monolog/commentary. The problems with using Woody Allen as an example is that his co-stars were extremely attractive women, and there's an undercurrent of real abuse and gaslighting sprinkled in to show that Allen's neurotic characters are not the victims they portray themselves to be. A particular line in Manhattan sets up a joke where Allen's character had followed Meryl Streep (his ex) on dates with her new girlfriend in his car, but the joke turns dark when she corrects the story by saying he tried to kill them with his car.
The Lover is an extremely secure person: the protagonist is allowed to be unreasonably jealous because the lover is unreasonably self-secure. They are a Rock of Gibraltar. No amount of commentary or jealousy will change how the lover feels or behaves. For this to feel real there would probably be a power difference between the 2 characters, like Woody Allen being involved with supermodels, or typical of 1950s comedies the jealous person has essentially no power in the relationship so their antics are reduced to hiding in bushes to overhear, and attempts to become sexier or more interesting that come off as strange or funny rather than sad and desperate.
Punch up, not down: This goes for comedy in general, so how to apply it here? The jealous one is wealthy beautiful and successful. The lover is plain, simple, and domestic. Again it uses an unrealistic power difference to take away the stakes. Another way to do it is to make the point of jealousy the one thing the perfect character doesn't do well, like cook. It's sort of a trope reversal on the Woody Allen character where the neurotic is such a perfectionist at all things that the jealousy is over something that should be trivial, like the husband complimenting another woman's rhubarb pie, so the perfectionist becomes obsessed with baking (and failing) to win back her lover's attention through deserts.
It's their job: the lover's job is that he plays a Casanova on television, or she's promoted as a "love goddess" like Marilyn Monroe. The truth is they are homebodies, lovingly faithful, and painfully shy, but of course as actors they can't disappoint their fans and must the play the role in public appearances and publicity "scandals". The jealous one's rival is abstract, it's the job and the fame that creates the tension, and again the lover is not at fault.
Don't dwell on it: A small outburst is like a yelp of pain – sometimes we cry out before we realize we're not actually hurt. Let the jealous one object, but then retract when they realize they are probably over-reacting. It can look cute because it's like showing their cards too early in the relationship. They are already signaling how they feel when the situation suggests they should be playing it more casually.
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First thing first: I'm Italian, and my English will probably fail. I say this because this is "writing" stackexchange, and I know who's writing is pays a lot of attention to good sentences and grammar, I do exactly the same in my native language :)
Having said that, I remember once I've read Chaplin speaking about how he do funny scenes, I've tried searching on google for the exact sentence but I'm unable to find it again. Anyway, he said that a character doing a mess on screen is funny but what's even funnier the effort he put into trying to hide it and look like a perfect gentleman.
In the case you describe, I would put this jealousy into this girl who perfectly knows she can't show it, because she's a mature well educated girl or just because she don't want to show her weakness, anyway this repression could lead into any funny situation, she could stumble into anything, or confuse words speaking to him.. the main point is that, as you've seen from other answers, jealousy It's such a slippery slope, easy to turn it into something painful (because she thinks he's somewhat not in love or not as much as she is maybe), but one point is sure: we're all jealous despite what people try to think, and we all know jealousy can go wrong. I think a scene where she knows all that so she tries to hide it could result in a very funny situation!
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There are so many good answers here. The scenario you are trying to figure out is really a key point to the readers and jealous here makes it even more difficult for author to explain this scene. Myself, I thought of a line which may help you. The main character says: "Seems like I have to take the responsibility of protecting you like a treasure from the rest of beauties" or something similar. It is like saying that he is her's treasure and she feels jealous and anxiety whenever someone tries to steal him. I don't think it is excessive as possessive. It also depends on how the other character takes that. I will be great if you explain his feelings too, for justification of the main character's worries. I find it as a cute way to express jealous, Thanks.
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Why this is difficult.
Jealousy is a natural trait, nearly everyone that falls in love is subject to it at some time. The reason is that the extremely high emotional value of the love interest creates all sorts of effects. Obsessive thinking about them, extreme focus on minor clues of behavior or particular words, cravings for constant contact (holding hands, sitting together touching, arms around each other, frequent kissing, and of course more intimate touching and intercourse).
The negative side of this extremely high emotional value is the fear of loss, and thus a fear of competition, and obsessing on every detail of interaction that might remotely suggest your love interest has any other interest, or any other person might have interest in them.
Jealousy is a form of personal insecurity combined with an active mistrust of the love partner. (Sometimes this is warranted, love can be one-sided and partners may stray.)
It is mistrust to believe they are weak-willed and so selfishly impulsive and superficial they will drop you or cheat on you for a quick lay with someone else, or might even drop you for that.
It is personal insecurity to think your love is not reciprocated, that you are not good enough to hold your partner's interest. This implies they have little commitment and only love you for superficial reasons they can readily find elsewhere; that your qualities are just commodities and your partner is always shopping for a better value -- Somebody funnier, or smarter, or sexier, or kinkier in bed.
This is why it is very difficult to make actual jealousy "cute", it is a manifestation of mistrust and insecurity. And although both may be warranted, when they are not the expressions of mistrust may itself ruin the relationship, no matter how cute you make them. Being mistrusted often results in reciprocation of that mistrust, and mutual distrust breaks the love spell.
Jealousy does occur in most love connections. IMO the best way to handle it is NOT to express it directly, but to have the character struggle with it and find a way to deal with it, to realize their mistrust will ruin them. Perhaps channel it into something else romantic, to reaffirm to themselves they trust their partner and their partner loves them.
How to Represent Jealousy in a Cute Way
In other words, have a self-aware character that understands the stakes and won't surrender to jealousy. It is a conflict they must overcome, which is great for fiction, conflict keeps the reader turning pages. And battling this internal enemy, without revealing their mistrust to their love interest, is something you can do in a cute way. Show their self-talk and self-affirmations, dealing with their insecurities, examination of their own motives and exaggerations of their "competition". People in love are very skewed by their obsession, thus illogical, and that can be funny and recognizable and relatable.
But in the end, I wouldn't express jealousy to the partner. You might get a laugh out of it. In real life relationships people in love get over it, all the time, because forgiveness for an overreaction is something given when in love. But there is a limit, constant jealousy (mistrust and insecurity) is a poison to a love relationship, and can make the mistrusted person feel like a property controlled by the jealous party. That stops feeling like mutual love, and is a recipe for falling out of love.
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This is something you need to be careful with. In popular Western culture, going back decades or further, jealousy is often seen as a positive trait. "His jealousy proves he loves me so much." Especially when it's a man jealous of interactions his female partner has with other men.
In reality, there's a very thin line between "cute" jealousy and controlling behavior. "He gets all worked up when I talk to other men" turns very quickly into "I'm not allowed to be alone with other men at work" or "women in my company get left out because the men refuse to be alone with them."
Yeah, not so cute.
What you're looking for I think is not actual jealousy, but gentle teasing. As in bruglesco's example. People in a healthy relationship can crack jokes about these types of situations, without it turning into anxiety over someone's faithfulness (jealousy happens even in relationships where dating others is okay, because the underlying emotion is fear of being rejected or humiliated).
If you want things light, the couple needs to be secure in each other's affections. Outside people aren't a threat. Not to say that the couple believes cheating or breaking up is impossible (only fools believe that) but that it's not an everyday anxiety and, if it happens, it's not because some outsider was too tempting.
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