Should dull dialogue be removed completely?
The following dialogue is from a novel I'm writing (first draft):
"You're quiet tonight," Erin said to Benjamin, who seemed to be lost in thoughts.
He looked up and took a sip of his drink. "I'm a bit tired, that all."
"Too much work?"
"Yeah, it's killing me, you know. My boss should really hire more teachers."
"Why don't you find something else? You've been doing this for a while. I bet you can find something better."
"It's hard to find a job these days. What if I quit and can't find another? I don't want to end up sleeping in a park and drink cheap sake from a paper bag."
Erin laughed. "That would never happen. No matter what, you can always move to my place."
"I don't think that would be a good idea. You know what they say: living together before marriage kill relationships."
...
"By the way," Erin suddenly said while tracing circles on the rim of her glass, “is that new co-worker bothering you? You know, the one who talks to you all the time."
Benjamin took a sip of his drink. "What's wrong? You're jealous?"
"Nah," Erin said, looking to the side, "just asking."
"She's just talkative, that's all. Besides, she's new. She just want to learn as much as she can."
"I see," Erin said, half-smiling.
"You never ask these kind of questions," Benjamin said with a suspicious look. "Is there something wrong?"
...
"That's right," Benjamin said after a moment. "Did you feel the earthquake last night?"
Erin was about to sip her glass but then stopped. She looked up, and stared at Benjamin with her lips slightly parted. Am I the only one who missed the earthquake? She wondered if she was indeed living in the same city as everyone else.
Each part of the dialogue reveals something about the characters. But I feel the first part is very dull (I guess the second part is more exciting). And the third part is the "climax" of the dialogue.
What should I do in cases like this? Should I remove the dull part completely or should I keep it?
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/7217. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
4 answers
You are accessing this answer with a direct link, so it's being shown above all other answers regardless of its score. You can return to the normal view.
If it's important to character or plot, liven it up a bit. Dress it with stage business. Add some thoughts or descriptions of the setting.
I don't find it particularly dull in context. Not every conversation has to have fireworks going off. Sometimes you just have a quiet moment between two people.
0 comment threads
I agree with Lauren's answer: You need highs and lows in any story. As long as you're not boring the reader, maybe these excerpts are just low points.
But momentum counts for an awful lot, and it's difficult to judge how "dull" these actually are out of context. For example, when Benjamin looked at Erin despite being lost in thought, did that have significance? When Erin missed the earthquake, was that typical for her or was it an alarming exception for a character who's normally observant?
If you set up these dull moments properly, they might not be as dull as you think.
0 comment threads
It does depend a little on the genre of your story. If this is supposed to be an actiony-crime-thriller, you probably should cut it. If it's normally slower-paced and this doesn't seem too out of place, it should be fine if it isn't too long.
One thing, though. Give them actions that have nothing to do with their drinks. Have them tap their fingers on the table, play with their hair, adjust their clothes, but the only actions that don't have to do with their face in this excerpt are about the glasses they're holding. Make sure you don't rely too much on one thing--it gets repetitive.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/7662. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
0 comment threads
You should watch - or maybe better read up on - Hitchcock's movies. Build up a sense of normal, dull life, then shatter it. The more standard, dull the image, the harder the blow hits, the stronger the effect.
Of course don't overdo it, don't just bore the reader, but setting up the pristine stage for a disaster is an essential step. Add some good foreshadowing and make it ring now and then in the dialogue with the reader realizing but the characters oblivious to it, and you are sending cold chills down the reader's spine.
A dull dialogue may be an immensely powerful literary tool if applied correctly.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/7219. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
0 comment threads
0 comment threads